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Until I Have To Go

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226Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 13th February 2012, 09:01

After he got Jo’s phone call, he immediately opened the drawer with all the devices he had built in order to find her. Good thing; they worked great. Bad thing; he had so many that he didn’t know which one to use because it had to be the connecting piece of Jo’s, and he had no idea which one Jo was wearing right now. After about five minutes testing he finally got a signal and knew which one he needed to use in order to find her. He stormed out of the flat and followed the peeping.
She wasn’t in the library or the other places she usually went to on campus, which worried him. Victor had something to do with it, and whatever it was, this time he wouldn’t get away with it. When Liam walked away from the library the beeping got faster and the light blinked green. He looked around and saw Jo on the floor of a telephone box. He ran to her and knelt down.
“Jo?” He grabbed her shoulders. “Are you okay?” She looked pale, almost sick. She didn’t reply, she just put her arms around him and buried her face into his chest.

“Where is he?”

She didn’t answer.

“What did he do?”

No answer.

“Jo, you have to tell me what he did. Did he hurt you? Please don’t tell me he touched you…”
He felt her shaking her head, and he felt relieved, at least for a second.
“What did he do, Jo? Did he say something? What is it?”

“I want to go home, Liam…Please take me home”, she whispered.

“Of course.” He lifted her up carefully, she was so fragile. “You need to tell me what happened, Jo. Whatever he did this time, we can’t let him get away with it.”

She stared at the floor. “He won’t stop until he owns me”, she said in a broken voice.

“That bastard is never going to own you, you hear me? I won’t let him. And I know I can count on your father’s support as well, and he and I will do anything in our power to protect you.”

She nodded slightly and remained quiet until they were back in the flat where Liam laid her down on the couch, put a blanket over her and made some tea to warm her up. When he came back from the kitchen he put the cup on the table, sat down next to her feet and put his hand on her knee.
“Are you feeling better?”

“I’m cold…”

“Cold? It’s pretty warm in here.” He saw her shivering. He got up to get another blanket, and handed her the tea. While she warmed her hands on the cup, she thought about how she could tell Liam what Victor had told her, but she felt too disgusted and sick. Liam touched her cheeks and raised his eyebrows when he realized how hot she was.
“How can you say you’re feeling cold? You’re cheeks are burning…” He touched her forehead. “I think you’re coming down with a fever.” He looked concerned at her.

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227Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 13th February 2012, 11:06

Jo hated being sick, the fever let her vision go blurry, her nose was blocked, she didn’t want to eat and she couldn’t sleep even though she wanted to.

“Jo? Come on you need to drink a little bit. It was warm sweet milky tea. Please?” Liam helped Jo to sit up and took a few sips of tea. Jo sighed, she was exhausted.


“Yes? I’ve got some scones you need to eat something.” Liam looked concerned at her.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes just a little bit.” Liam sat down with a scone. “It has cream and jam on it.”

Jo snuggled into her boyfriend. “I’m sowwy.”

“For what are you sorry?”

“Being sick and annoying.”

Liam chuckled. “That’s not your fault. Here have some scone.” Jo opened obedient her mouth. Liam could make her eat a little bit. He kissed her gently. “Try to sleep.”

Her breathing was uneven. Liam pulled the blankets further up. “Liam?”


“I love you.” Jo looked with glassy eyes and a crusty nose at Liam. It was two days since she ran into Victor. Her fussy brain told her she had to tell him what Victor said. Jo kissed him. Her hand slipped under his shirt. She climbed up and started kissing him passionately, but her blocked nose made it difficult to kiss him more than a couple of seconds. Liam really wanted Jo, but she was ill. It would be taking advantage of her. Liam kissed her once more, before he pushed her hands away. She snuggled as close as possible to Liam.

“He has the sketchbook. He told me. He uses it for… when he… himself… It is disgusting…” Jo whispered her blocked nose let her sound funny.

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228Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 13th February 2012, 19:08

A very awkward silence followed and Jo just wanted to hide under her blanket. After a while Liam finally said something.
“Excuse me?”

Jo stared at the blanket.

“Does he…is he…he does…wait, what?”

“I really don’t want to think about it anymore!” She sighed and pulled the blanket over her head.

“Are you sure?”

“About what?”

“That he does…um…”

“I don’t know! But he told me he did.”

“That son of a bitch!” Liam got up. “Who the hell does he think he is? I’m the only guy who’s allowed to do that…well, not the only guy, but the only one who can look at your pictures and…whatever!” He already knew that Victor had the sketchbook, but who the hell allowed him to look at it and do stuff with it?

“Where are you going?”, Jo asked.


“To Victor?”

“No, I promised to make you some soup, and since I can’t cook I have to buy canned soup or something…I’ll hurry up, okay?”

Jo’s face appeared from under the blanket. “I’m sorry…”

“Why are you sorry, it’s not your fault.”

Jo looked so guilty that he felt bad. He went back to her and kissed her, but this time she backed away. “You’re going to get ill when you do that. I’m very contagious.”

“I never get ill, my immune system is great”, he said. “I really can’t remember the last time I got ill, so don’t worry.” He smiled and kissed her again, then left the flat to go to the grocery store on campus. It was raining outside and he didn’t have an umbrella, so by the time he reached the little store he was completely wet, but he didn’t really care. He felt bad that he couldn’t cook a proper meal for Jo, not even a lousy soup. Generally he sucked in taking care of others, he never needed to until he met her.
As his eyes wandered over the canned soup he didn’t notice that someone appeared next to him.

“It seems like we can’t avoid to run into each other”, Alfie said, scrutinizing him from head to toe. “And it looks like someone got caught in the rain…”

Liam tried to ignore him, which didn’t really work. He also had a hard time choosing a soup because he had no idea what was the best for someone who had a cold.

“You’re looking for something particular?”, Alfie asked.


“Chicken noodle soup.”


“It’s best if you have a cold.”

“I don’t have a cold”, Liam replied.

“I assume Josephine has one, she’s been missing in class the past days.”

Liam finally looked at the older boy. He didn’t want help from that guy, but on the other hand he didn’t want to get something wrong for Jo, so he picked up three cans of chicken noodle soup.

“I think we should meet up.”

“What?” Liam stared at him bewildered. “Who?”

“You, me, for coffee…”

“Why would I want to meet up with you? We’re not friends.”
That guy is confusing!

“I think you wouldn’t be so hostile if I wasn’t the one who criticised your girlfriend’s dissertation.”

“Well, yeah…That’s pretty much the main reason.”

“If Josephine delivers a better work next time, there won’t be a problem anymore…” Alfie crossed his arms.

“Even if you should suddenly change your mind about Jo’s dissertation I still don’t want to meet up with you. Bye.” He turned around and went to the checkout.

As soon as Liam was home, he changed into dry clothes –Jo couldn’t resist watching him, naturally- and went into the kitchen. Of course he didn’t manage to pour the canned soup into a pot and heat it up on the stove without knocking the pot down first, and then there was soup all over the kitchen floor, and he had to make another one. Jo heard him cursing in Irish, she didn’t understand every singe of the curse words, but some.

“Are you all right?”, she shouted.

“Yes, fantastic!”

“You only have to heat up the soup, Liam.”

He was mumbling something in Irish again, and then left the kitchen with the bowl of soup.

“What’s that stuff on your pants?” Jo eyed some weird spots on his pants. “What were you doing?”

“What do you think I was doing?”, he asked sarcastically. He handed her the bowl but before she could grab it the bowl slipped out of his hands and landed directly on the blanket.

“Oh shit!” He jumped up and took the blanket while Jo just huddled together on the couch.

“I’m cold…”

“Sorry!” He threw a clean blanket at her and continued cursing in Irish while he stuffed the dirty blanket somewhere in the corner.

“You’ve never taken care of a sick person, have you?”, Jo asked, raising an eyebrow.

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229Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 13th February 2012, 21:08

Jo smiled apologetic at Liam. “Sorry I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” She got up huddled into the blanket. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“At least I try. Did I burn you?”

Jo shook her head.


He went back in the kitchen to try and cook the last can of soup, when the doorbell rang.

“Who is it?” Liam sounded stressed and pissed.

“Sorry to bother you it is me Ricky.”

“Oh come up.”

Ricky came up with a pot of soup. “I thought you need some soup.” Ricky smiled. “I won’t stay long unless you need me do anything?”

Liam looked at Ricky. “What about you take a shower and I watch Jo for a little bit.”

“You would do that?” Liam sounded relieved.

“Sure that’s what friends are for. Go on take a shower, I heat up the soup and maybe clean up a little bit.” Ricky smiled at Liam who disappeared in the bathroom.
Not twenty minute later when Liam came out of the bathroom again, Ricky had put all the dirty clothes including the blanket Liam had just spilled the soup on, in the washing machine, the kitchen was clean, the soup on a low temperature staying warm. Jo was wearing a fresh pyjama, had a full pot tea next to her and a bowl of soup on her lap.

“Oh man Ricky one day you will make another dude very happy. And you better didn’t watch Jo getting change.” Liam said grinning, he just meant it a little bit seriously.

“What? No! I wouldn’t. Never!” Ricky was blushing. “I better go, Jo needs her rest. I didn’t watch her.”

Jo giggled which ended in coughing fit. “He didn’t watch me get change. Liam what do you think?”

“After hearing about Victor? Just the worst of every other guy then me.” Liam sat down and Jo immediately cuddle close to him.

“Liam? Can we watch cartoons.”

Liam laughed. “Yes if you really want to, I guess I can watch some cartoons this once.” As planned it made her giggle.

A couple of days later Jo woke up from the hammering rain against all windows. She felt better and for the first time in more than a week she was able to breathe through her nose. “Hey Liam? I think I feel better .”

Jo kissed the sleeping Liam gently on the cheek.

“Whoa you are hot. Wait you said you don’t get sick.” Jo looked concerned at him. He woke up slowly more or less.

“I know tell me about it.” His normally cute Irish accent sounded hilariously funny with a blocked nose. She kissed his cheek.

“Don’t worry I take good care of you.”

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230Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 15th February 2012, 09:23

Liam couldn’t remember the last time he had a fever. He must have been no older than six, and he had barely any memory of it, except that he imagined sheep trying to break into the windows.
This time he didn’t see any sheep squeezing their woolly bodies through the window, but he did start to feel very strange. It was late in the afternoon and the entire day it hadn’t stopped raining. Jo did her best to take care of him. She made him soup, but after one week of soup every single day Liam couldn’t stand the smell anymore.

“Come on, Liam, I made it for you”, Jo said with an encouraging smile. “And besides, I was the one who ate soup one week long, you only warmed it up.”

“But I don’t want soup!”, he complained. The later it got, the more his temperature rose and he turned into a sulky little kid. Jo had to talk to him like a strict mother would have talked to her little son, he wouldn’t have listened otherwise. The other effect that fever had on Liam was not only turning into a child, but also talking, a lot of talking. More talking than usually, and that meant something. He usually could talk for hours but he could stop himself at a certain point, especially when it became too personal. In his feverish state, however, he didn’t know where and when to stop, and Jo just let him talk. He started out with his typical subjects such as physics and astronomy, but then he suddenly got quiet for a brief moment and stared at the ceiling.

“I miss Dick”, he said and sighed like a little lovesick teenager. “I’m sure he hates me for leaving him.”

“First of all, Dick doesn’t hate you, and secondly, you make it sound like you two were in a relationship and you left him for me”, Jo replied while she sat down next to him and touched his forehead. “And you’re still extremely hot.”

“And my father…”, Liam continued. “What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not good enough for him? I know I’m not a good son, I’m really not…”

Jo wanted to say something but he didn’t give her a chance, he just kept babbling on about things she knew he would normally not tell her. “And you!” He suddenly sat up and pointed at her, his cheeks were completely flushed.
“You better start growing a beard or get really fat so that you stop turning me on all the time.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t-“

“Look at you!” He touched her face and squeezed her cheeks. “Stop looking like that!”

“I’m not doing anything…”

“You look so…so…You keep walking around like this in front of me and it drives me crazy.”

Jo looked confused.

“I’m constantly turned on by you, stop it already! No, don’t stop!” He pulled her close to him. “You smell so good…”

“You don’t smell anything because your nose is blocked, Liam.”

“I want you, Jo, all the time. I want to make love to you every day. That’s bad, right? I shouldn’t say this…Anyway, what was I saying? You know that you’re more beautiful than any of those girls in the magazines…” He touched her face again. “I still have some magazines, but it doesn’t matter because I always have to think of you and how much more beautiful you are…You’re not at all like those girls…” His hands wandered from her neck further down. “Your breasts, those perfect, perky little…”

“Okay, you really need to get some sleep!” Jo grabbed his hands. He looked at her with big, blue puppy eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that, it’s just the best for you if you go to bed and sleep.”
She eventually managed to get him to bed, and after he yammered that he wanted hot milk, she brought him a cup, and he really fell asleep shortly afterwards.
It was about 3 in the morning when he startled, and grabbed Jo’s arm.


“What?” She quickly turned on the night lamp and looked worried at him. Liam just stared terrified at her.
“Liam, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m gay.”


“I’m gay!” He looked completely freaked.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I just had the weirdest dream. With…with Ricky lying on top of a car…and that Alfie dude…we were hugging…and…I don’t want to be gay, Jo!” His voice almost sounded whiney.

“Calm down, Liam”, she said and touched his arms. “That was just a dream, nothing more.”

“But why would I dream about those things?! I dream about naked women, not some dudes!”

“Liam, you have a fever”, Jo replied. “People always have the strangest dreams when they have a fever, believe me.”
He obviously never had a fever before…

“I’m not gay, Jo…”

“I know you aren’t, you don’t have to convince me.” She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “Try to go back to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

“But I don’t want to dream about guys anymore.”

“You won’t, just try to sleep, okay?” She squeezed his hand gently and after few minutes Liam fell asleep again.

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231Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 15th February 2012, 23:07

Jo stayed awake, watching Liam sleep. She had a bowl of ice water and cloth next to her to try to keep Liam’s fever in a not dangerous range.
Liam was adorable when he was sick. That’s how he must have been as a little boy, not that he was grown up a lot since then. Jo giggled she was sure that Liam would never grow up, and she was sure that was one of the things she loved about him so much. He was said to her that before she met him her live was all in order, but it was not how she saw it. Her life was following this one possible routine, there was nothing spontaneous in her life. Her life was boring, and happening in the world of books and not at all in the real life.
Each time Liam seemed to have a nightmare, Jo kissed him gently. She made him mashed potatoes with vegetables, since he said that he hated the smell of soup.
Nearly two days later Liam’s fever broke. His temperature went back to normal and he slept peacefully through the night. Jo, who just recovered a bad cold herself, was exhausted and she didn’t wake up when Liam woke up that morning. He made tea and some toast. He had it all on a tray on the night stand. Jo was adorable when she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful, like an angel. He started kissing her, wandered further down her neck, while his hand slipped under her shirt.

“I didn’t shower the past three days, no way am I sleeping with you.” Jo mumbled without opening her eyes.

“Well we couldn’t anyway. We are out of condoms.” Liam whispered in her neck.

Jo turned around and finally opened one eye. “Oh I forgot to tell you. We don’t need them anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Liam was worried she meant that she want a baby. Since Edward was born she adored babies.

“When you and John were on that last mission I went with Lorelai to her last check up and by that she mentioned to her lady doctor that I am active. It was so embarrassing, but the doctor did a few tests and said I would be perfect for taking the pill. So we don’t need condoms anymore. I take every day a little pill and that way I won’t get pregnant.” Jo smiled sleepy at Liam. “But that brings me back I didn’t and neither did you shower in the past three days so no way I’m sleeping with you right now, at least not here. We could shower together or even take a bath, the tube is large enough for to?”

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232Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 16th February 2012, 14:28

Liam looked confused at her. Not because the taking a bath together part (that was awesome!), but that thing she said before. He didn’t know much about the pill, it was still pretty new, and from what he had heard he knew that it wasn’t that safe and women were still very likely to get pregnant while taking the pill.

“You look so surprised. Don’t you want to take a bath with me?”

“No! I meant, yes, of course, but I was referring to you taking the pill. What’s that all about?”

“Most women take it nowadays, it’s nothing-“

“But it could have side effects or something. I’m pretty sure they didn’t run enough tests yet, I don’t think it’s very safe…” He had actually no idea if that was true because he really didn’t know anything about it, he just guessed.

“Don’t worry, if it wasn’t safe the doctor wouldn’t have recommended it to me.”


“Lor has been taking the pill for a while now.”

“And she has a baby!”

“Yes, because she stopped taking the pill.” Jo sighed. “It’s really not dangerous.”

“I heard it’s not very safe because many women became pregnant although they took the pill.”

“Where did you hear that? In a Looney Tunes episode?”, she asked teasingly.

It suddenly hit him. Since Edward was born Jo constantly talked about children, even though she didn’t particularly say that she wanted one any time soon, but still…when she saw a couple with a baby she smiled, and he noticed how her eyes always wandered to baby clothes when they were in a shop, or to the baby section when they were in a grocery store- and there was no way she wanted to change her diet and had a sudden interest in baby food!
It was obvious. Counting it all together led to one result. She probably didn’t want to tell him, so she did it secretly, by using contraception that actually didn’t work so well.

“Holy St. Patrick, you want to get pregnant!” Liam sat up. He suddenly felt dizzy, probably still the aftermath of the fever, mixed with that new revelation.


“I’m not ready for kids, Jo! Seriously! I told you I’m not ready, not yet!”

“Who told you that I want to get pregnant?”

“So you do?”


“You want to get pregnant!”


“But you just admitted it.”

Jo shook her head. “No, I did not. What I meant is, how did you get that idea?”

“Because you’re suddenly taking the pill…”

The two were quiet for a moment, until Jo sighed.
“You know what’s crazy? That out of all people, you, the smartest of them all, accuse me of wanting to get pregnant because I’m taking the pill. You know how crazy that sounds?” She crossed her arms. “I’m taking the pill because I don’t want to get pregnant, dummy!”

“But…but…it’s not safe…”

“Oh really? How would you know?”

He didn’t answer.

“I thought so.” Jo sighed. “I know you’re not ready to have kids, neither am I. I think having children is a wonderful idea, but I’m absolutely willing to wait a couple more years and grow up myself. So please don’t think I’m trying to pressure you in any way, I’m really not. This whole thing was just a big misunderstanding, okay?” She took his hand. “Do you believe me?”

Liam looked into her eyes and could see that he told the truth. Jo had always been an honest person, and it was easy to tell when she lied, and right now she was completely honest.

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, freak-out is over…” He ran his fingers through his hair and a cheeky grin appeared on his face. “You said something about a bath?”

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233Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 16th February 2012, 16:48

Jo giggled and kissed Liam. “I always wanted to have a bath with you. How do you feel?”

“Me? Awesome, I dreamed last night I had an incredible hot nurse while I was sick. It was awesome.” Liam said teasingly to JO.

“Hey! I was your nurse.” Jo looked a little hurt at him, while she turned on the tab. Liam pulled her away into his arms. He kissed her passionately, while he pulled off her shirt.

“She was awesome. With perfect breasts.” Liam kissed her breasts. “A perfect flat stomach.” His kisses wandered down her body, while his lips were glued to Jo’s body his hands were further undressing her.

“I thought she was a nurse?” Jo mumbled.

“I never said she was a dressed nurse.”

“Oh.” Jo looked unhappy at him. “I understand.”

Liam got up, and kissed her. ”Silly Jo. You were the hot nurse.”

“Oh.” Jo blushed realizing that he had dreamed of her naked. “Liam you dream of me? Without… clothes?”

Liam grinned. “You don’t wanna know half of my dreams I have with you in it.”

In the bathtub Liam found out how handy it is not to worry about condoms, this meant they could be much more spontaneous.


“Liam the water is getting cold.” Jo was exhausted cuddled on Liam’s chest. “And this bath was the most exhausting bath I ever had. We should take more baths together.”

Liam laughed. “Yes I see the fun in taking baths.”

“I think I should go to my lecture this afternoon. I missed already quite a lot. Also while you were sick I managed to finish my dissertation and I think I’m ready to hand it in. You want to come with me to my lecture?”

“I would love to come with you. That way I can keep an eye on Victor, Maggy, Alfie and every other douchbag that wants to harm you.”

Jo kissed Liam before she climbed out of the bathtub. “I guess then we should get dressed.” Jo was trying to cover herself with her arms. Liam followed her out of the tub and kissed her. He loosed her arms away from her own body. “Don’t hide from me. I love to look at you.”

Jo smiled shy. “How could you think I want a baby now, I’m not ready to share you with anyone. That’s why I… oh never mind.”

“That’s why you what?” Liam asked curious.

“That’s why I… um like staying with you here and not in London. Here you are all mine.”

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234Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 17th February 2012, 10:59

“Little only child wants everything to herself”, he said teasingly.

“Hey, you’re an only child as well!”

“Yes, but I’m not quite so possessive of things…except of one.” He paused for a moment and Jo smiled shyly. “My Mickey Mouse comics.”

“Oh Liam, you idiot!” Jo punched him in the shoulder.

“Just kidding!” He wrapped his arms around her. “Of course I mean you.”

An hour later the two went to the lecture theatre where they met Ricky. Liam couldn’t help but blush when he saw him because he was automatically reminded of that particular dream he had, an no matter how many times he told himself it was just the fever that had messed with his head, he still felt awkward thinking about it. Jo, of course, immediately noticed the look on Liam’s face when he saw Ricky, and she chuckled.

“What’s so funny?”, Ricky asked.

Liam shot her a warning glance, and she just shook her head. “Nothing.”

The three sat down in the lecture theatre and Jo and Ricky got out their notebooks. Liam’s eyes wandered to Ricky’s notebook to see if he was still drawing that weird stuff in it, but he couldn’t see anything because Jo sat between them.

“Are Maggy or Victor here?”, Liam asked her.

“No, they don’t study English. Victor studies something with politics and economy, and Maggy studies math.”

“Math? I didn’t picture her as a math student at all…”

“As what did you picture her then?” Jo raised an eyebrow. “Bikini model?”

Liam rolled his eyes. “Just to make it clear, I don’t picture her as anything, I just didn’t expect her to study math.”

“Okay, okay!” Jo nodded and got out a pen. The same moment the lecturer walked in. While Jo and Ricky took notes, Liam crossed his arms and listened to the lecturer. However, his thoughts drifted away after a while, mainly because he knew Utopia inside and out.
After the lecture was over they went up to the second floor, and Jo knocked on the door of Alfie’s office while Liam and Ricky waited in the hallway. Jo came out five minutes later, followed by Alfie who was just about to go downstairs when he spotted the two other boys.

“Did you bring your own bodyguards with you, Josephine?”, he asked cynically, then turned to Liam and smiled. “Hi Liam, nice to see you again.”

Liam actually flinched when Alfie turned towards him. And he blushed. And he felt stupid. And he knew that both Ricky and Jo noticed it. And he knew that it probably looked weird. And Ricky probably got the wrong idea…

Don’t think of the dream!

“You look familiar”, Alfie said, now turning to Ricky. “You study English as well, right?”

“Yes.” Ricky nodded, still looking curiously at Liam who stared at the floor, then he looked at Alfie. “I’m Rick Bu-“

“I know”, Alfie interrupted him. “I read one of your essays once, wasn’t half bad actually…” He looked at his expensive watch. “I have to go.” He turned to Jo. “I really do hope your work has improved, Josephine…”, he said, throwing a last glance at Liam. “Bye, Liam.” He smiled, then turned around and left.
They waited until he was gone, then Jo and Ricky looked at each other.

“Is he always like that?”, Ricky asked her.



“Very weird.”

“Was he mean to you when you gave him the dissertation this time?”

“Well, he was himself, so…” Jo shrugged his shoulders.

Ricky’s eyes wandered to Liam who didn’t say a word. “You two seem to know each other well…”

“What? No!” Liam shook his head. “We don’t. We just met a couple of times…” He cleared his throat, looking so uncomfortable that Jo started to laugh.

“Alfie is actually very nice to Liam”, she said teasingly. “Which is some sort of miracle, I really had no idea that he could be ‘nice’.” She grinned at her boyfriend. “He’s always so nice to you, isn’t he, Liam? You know, hugging and…”


“I’m just teasing you, you’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.” She kissed his cheek.
Ricky did seem a little jealous when she mentioned that Alfie was nice to Liam, but he hid his jealousy well.
“How about a little celebration?”, he asked.

“What are we celebrating?”

“That you both are healthy again and you just handed in your dissertation for the last time.”

“But what if it sucks again?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Ricky smiled at her. “Let’s go to the pub around the corner, lunch is on me.”

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235Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 17th February 2012, 12:07

Jo giggled, she liked spending days with her boys. Ricky and Liam were both drinking a pint beer, while Jo had an apple juice. The three friends were laughing and having a good time.

“Oh man I wish my birthday could be as much fun as this.” Jo sighed.

“How will it be?” Ricky asked.

“Um… before my mother… left, she left instructions the entire staff at Waterfall Downs is planning and preparing. This time I’m not really joking that I wouldn’t be surprised if the Queen herself shows up. It… it will nothing like I wish to spend my eighteenth birthday.”

“There must be something good about your birthday?” Ricky smiled at her.

“Yes you and Liam will be there and that I’m turning eighteen.”

“Oh really what’s so excited about turning eighteen?” Liam asked.

“I am allowed to drink, and oh I can get married. Liam we should elope.” Jo teased him. Liam swallowed hard, but he saw in her eyes that she didn’t mean it for real.

“Sure. But we shouldn’t plan it, you remember Valentine’s Day? We suck in planning stuff like that. So when we elope we should do this very spontaneous.” Liam kissed her passionately.

“Ew you two get a room.” Ricky threw laughing his napkin at them.

“So Ricky, in boyfriend in sight?” Jo asked still in Liam’s arm. Ricky blushed intensely.

“Jo! No!” Ricky felt very uncomfortable.

“Honestly the way Alfie looks at Liam, I’m sure he is looking for a special man friend. And I’m sure as hell not sharing Liam. Is he your type? Do you have a type, Ricky?”

“Okay that is my cue to take a leak.” Liam kissed Jo on the cheek and went to the bathroom.

Not seen from the three friends, Maggy was watching them, she just waited for her opportunity. And there it was. She got up and followed Liam into the restroom.

“I knew you are one of the big guys.” She purred. Liam went pale.

“Shit. You are not supposed to be in here.” Liam tried to close his pants and cover himself from Maggy.

“Whoopsy daisy. I better wait outside for you.” Maggy smirked and went out of the bathroom. Liam hurried to get back to his friend but he ran into Maggy.

“You again?” Liam sounded a little annoyed.

“Of course, my little birdie.” Maggy was offensive, and gently touching Liam’s cheek. “I want you so bad!” She whispered in his ear. “I’m not wearing any underwear, just for you.”

“Why would you do that?”

“You don’t think I’m pretty?” Maggy pouted. She took Liam’s hand and ran it down her décolleté. “Liam each time I see you, I feel randy. And I know Josephine is not enough of a woman to satisfy you. I know what you want.”

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236Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 17th February 2012, 17:30

Liam felt a bit tipsy from the pint he just had, he knew he had a low tolerance of alcohol, especially if he drank too fast. He was not drunk, but he wasn’t completely sober either. He lost his train of thought as soon as Maggy took his hand and put it on her décolleté, and he needed a moment to reply.
“First of all, I don’t think you want me, I think you only pretend to want me in order to get Jo jealous. And secondly…” Liam paused for a moment because he already forgot what he wanted to say. If he would have been sober he would have been able to defend himself properly, but right now he had a hard time thinking straight. “Um…secondly…I don’t think you know what I want. You don’t know me…or Jo…or us... So you really have no idea what I want, and I don’t want…um…I don’t want you…” He finally wrenched his hand out of hers, but Maggy wouldn’t give up that easily. Having Liam in that tipsy state right now would make it a lot easier for her.

“I think that you don’t really know what you want”, she said. “So I can help you with that, finding out what you want…” She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him against the wall. “In fact, you do know what you want but you need a little help from me, don’t you?”

God, he couldn’t get one straight thought into his head.
“No”, he said, not really convincing, and he turned his head away so he wouldn’t be tempted to stare at her décolleté, which was really hard not to do, because he had a perfect view.
“I mean, I know what I want and that’s not you.” He tried to get away from her, but she didn’t let him, she literally pressed her body against his. If he would have been sober and could think straight he would have pushed her away, but right now he just felt like the boy he was before he became Jo’s boyfriend, the kind of boy who got weak at the sight of every female creature passing him.

“Maggy, I don’t need your help, I know that you do this to…you um…”
What was I saying?
“Just go away…”

“But I want you, and I can see that you want the same.”

“No, I don-“
He didn’t have the chance to finish because she pressed her lips on his, and for a moment he let her kiss him and did nothing, but then he finally got some sense back and pushed her away.
“Go back to Victor, that’s the guy you should kiss”, Liam said coldly, then turned away from her and walked back to the table where Jo and Ricky were laughing about something.

“There you are!” Jo grabbed his arm and pulled him down next to her. “What’s this?” Before she had the chance to look at the traces of Maggy’s lipstick closely, he quickly wiped it off with his sleeve.

“Nothing”, he mumbled.

The same moment Maggy walked out of the corner where Liam just came from, threw some of her blonde locks over her shoulders and grazed his shoulder with her fingertips as she passed their table. Jo watched her until the door closed behind her, then she turned to Liam.

“Maggy was here?”

“I didn’t know”, he mumbled while he played around with his napkin. He was such a bad liar.

“So, Jo”, Ricky said when he noticed that something was going on. “Did you read all of Paradise Lost yet?”

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237Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 17th February 2012, 21:40

Jo ignored Ricky and kept looking at Liam. “Liam?” Jo recalled what Liam had said in the fight. Maggy? Are you serious? I told I don’t give a damn about her! She’s like a female Victor…so she is not my type.
Jo sighed she didn’t want to start again. She did trust Liam, she just didn’t trust Maggy. She turned to him and wiped the last bit of lipstick away, shy smiling at him.

“Yes I did Paradise Lost, and it sucks. I don’t get it why do we have to read such stupid books.”

Ricky looked uncomfortable at Jo. “I know. I haven’t even started yet. I guess I better go and start reading.”

Jo giggled. “Oh Ricky, you are as usual behind the reading.”

The three friends left the pub and went on their ways home. Liam took Jo’s hand. “Yvaine? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I just don’t like Maggy.” Jo’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper.

Liam kissed her gently. “I don’t care for her.”

“I know that you don’t care for her, and I trust you, but I don’t trust her.”

It started to rain. Liam took Jo’s backpack and together hand in hand they ran home through the rain.

Liam laughed when they were finally in the warm flat. “Wanna take a second bath?”

Jo grinned. “Maybe just snuggle up on the couch in front the TV?”

“Sounds good to me.”

They two teenager got changed and snuggled up on the couch with hot cocoa for them. Liam switched through the channels until he heard the advertising for something they would like.

“And next after the commercial Disney’s Lady and the Tramp…”

“Hey that is something we like, right?”


The movie started and Jo had to giggle. “I watched this movie when I was a little girl.”

“Yes I know, and Lady is like you.” Liam said teasingly.

“Hey! I’m not as spoilt as she is. But I think Tramp is just like you.”

“Hey! I never stole my food together.”

“No maybe not, but you sure have the same attitude with the girls.”

“Oh really? Better a few girls then never having seen anything else then the world in fences and backyards. I showed you all the adventure out there.” Liam kissed Jo.

“I know and I’m really glad you did. Hey Liam do you like dogs? I always wanted a dog. What do you think?”

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238Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 18th February 2012, 09:04

“A dog?” He looked at her as if she told him she wanted to dye her hair black. “Is it because of the movie? If we had watched Aristocats instead, would you have wanted a cat?”

“No, I think a dog would be better. It would make a nice addition to the family.”

“What family?”

“Um…I meant a nice addition to us.”

Liam looked at the TV again. “I don’t know…I like it the way it is now. Who will go out with the dog at least three times a day?”


“Oh yes. Get back to me when it’s seven in the morning and raining outside. I can already see you kicking me out of bed to walk the dog.”

“But Liam, if we had a dog he could protect me.”

“That’s my job.”

“But you’re not always at home, and I get lonely when you’re gone.”

Liam kept his eyes on the TV because he didn’t want to get weak when Jo looked at him with her doe eyes. “The sort of dog you would pick is not a dog that can protect you.”

“What sort of dog do you think I would get?”

“Something like Lady, those cute little doggies that don’t do anything but to sit on your lap and look pretty.”

Jo shook her head. “No, I don’t want those kind of dogs! I was talking about one that you can really play with and cuddle, and that can protect me.”

“I guess I won’t be needed anymore”, Liam mumbled.


“When you have someone else to play with and cuddle, why should you need me? You will pay all your attention to the dog and he probably is allowed to sleep in the bed, so I can move to the couch…”

“Oh Liam, that’s ridiculous.” She snuggled closer to him. “There is no dog in the world that could replace you. In fact, there is nobody in the world who could replace you. You don’t need to worry that I pay less attention to you because of a dog.” She thought it was adorable that he actually got jealous of a dog. “It’s just…sometimes you’re away for many days, and yes, I spend some time with Ricky, but when I get home in the evening the flat is empty and quiet, and those are the moments when I really wish I had at least a dog that could welcome me when I get home.” She looked up to him, and he looked at her, those pleading eyes were impossible to ignore.

“Please think about it, Liam.”

“God, don’t look at me like that.”


“Okay!” He sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

Jo almost threw herself on him. She hugged him so hard that he could barely breathe.

“Okay, okay, I said I’ll think about it, you hear me?”

She climbed on his lap and grinned. “I heard you just fine.”

“You’re blocking my view, I don’t want to miss the spaghetti scene”, he said jokingly.

“I think we should have spaghetti for dinner later.”

“And who cooks, if I may ask?”

“Me, of course!”

Liam raised his eyebrows. “You know how to cook spaghetti?”

“Hey, I’m really improving in cooking!”

He grinned. “I know you do. I’m so proud of my little housewife.”

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239Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 18th February 2012, 11:28

Jo blushed. “I’m not a housewife.” She kissed him giggling. “Because for that I would needed a ring on my finger.”

Liam went a little pale.

“I was just kidding Liam, at least about the ring part. It feels weird when you call me a housewife, that’s all. I hope I’m more than just a housewife one day.”

Liam kissed before he threw her playfully back on the couch. He forgot about the movie when he climbed on top of her. “Hey there.” Jo whispered flirtatious. “What about the movie?”

Liam kissed her again and pushed his hand under her shirt, while opened with his other hand her trousers. “I don’t care about the movie, I have you.”

Jo blushed the second time this evening. “Wait.”

Liam looked a little bit confused at her. “What?”

“The spaghetti scene…” Jo held Liam tight and watched the TV.

Liam for once didn’t care for the movie, he was watching his girlfriend. Her eyes were shining and she had this super happy smile in her face and he saw it clearly in the right corner of her mouth was this on special kiss. He had to smile. He was a really lucky guy. He was like the Tramp living for the moment and now? He was helping her to fight the rat and for once it didn’t matter to him that Liam would get caught by the dog catcher. All he cared for was that Jo was happy. He would even allow her to put a collar and licence on him. She was so beautiful, and she didn’t even know that, or more she didn’t believe it. She had no reason to be jealous of Maggy or any other girl. Even when he saw them as pretty all of them weren’t as beautiful as she was. He smiled, a year ago he compared each girl he saw with his Goddess but now… now he didn’t need other girls anymore.
As soon the spaghetti scene was over Jo turned around to Liam and kissed him passionately. She saw that he was busy thinking and for some reason she felt as if it was her he was thinking about. “I love you Liam, so much and there is nothing that can ever change this!”

Liam smiled and continued to make out with her. For once he didn’t need to say anything he made her feel home much he loved and wanted her.

Some time later…

“You were talking about spaghetti any chance you cook them while you look like this?” Liam asked out of breath.

“What? You mean without any clothes on?” Jo blushed again.

“Yes exactly. I love looking at you.” Liam smirked.

“But what if someone sees me?”

“Who should see you except me?”

Jo kissed him again and took his t-shirt. “Sorry, but I feel weird without anything on.” She looked apologetic at her boyfriend. Liam pulled her close and kissed her passionately. “Well then I guess I’m lucky that I love you also in my t-shirts.”

Liam watched her cook spaghetti while he stayed on the couch.

“You make me nervous when you watch me just dressed in your boxers.” Jo giggled.

“Oh really?” Within a second he was standing behind her, his arms were around her waist. “This smells good.”

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

“I wasn’t talking about the food.” Liam kissed her neck.

“Dinner is ready.” She moaned, Liam’s kisses were distracting. She piled the spaghetti on one plate, but Liam didn’t stop kissing her neck. Jo loved being so close with him, and she had to admit she was rather proud of herself, back at the pub she was crazily jealous of Maggy, especially when she saw the lipstick on Liam but she didn’t said anything. She trusted him that it was her kissing him and nothing more. “Liam? What about the spaghetti?” Jo mumbled, a part of her was hungry and wanted to eat dinner but another part didn’t want Liam to stop.

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240Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 19th February 2012, 09:55

Liam didn’t actually hear much of what she was saying because he was both busy and distracted, but then her stomach started to growl and he chuckled.

“Okay, okay, I don’t want you to starve, so I’ll let you go.” He stopped kissing her and looked for a shirt because he was getting cold from walking around in nothing but his boxers.
He sat down next to her and looked at her. “It’s great that you learned how to cook.”

“I’m still learning”, she said, handing him a spoon and a fork. “So, when you lived with Dick, nobody ever cooked?”

“Can you imagine Dick in an apron?”

Jo laughed. “Not really.”

Liam lowered his gaze. “Well, one time I tried to bake a cake, not that it worked or anything, but I tried…”

“Really? You baked?”, she asked surprised. “Must have been an extremely important occasion, otherwise you would never bake, not even try.”

“Well…it was kind of an anniversary thing…”

“Anniversary? For what?”

“It had been exactly a year ago when Dick found me, or I found him, or both, and I…I don’t know, it sounds stupid, but I wanted to do something that normal people did for those…occasions, and I actually tried to bake a cake and there was flour all over the floor and myself, and the oven almost exploded, and the fact that I baked something for him made Dick feel very awkward, of course, and me too, but still…” Liam played with his fork. “I owe so much to him…”

Jo watched him quietly. She would probably never understand why he was so attached to Dick, but it was obvious that he was, and she felt like she had taken him away from him. She was just about to say something when he continued.

“Let’s eat, the spaghettis are getting cold”, he said, trying to act normal again. Jo knew that he didn’t want to continue talking about this subject, so she nodded and smiled.

“Too bad you didn’t make any meatballs, I could have given you mine just like Tramp gave his to Lady.”

“What, like using your nose to roll it over to my side of the plate?” She laughed. “No, thank you.”

“I can’t recall that Tramp and Lady wore any clothes, can you?”

“They are dogs, Liam! And we’re not eating naked.”

“Just kidding.”

They ate from one big plate just like Lady and Tramp- well, they used cutlery of course- and managed to ‘accidently’ kiss by swallowing opposite ends of the same spaghetti string.
After dinner they sat down on the couch again, snuggled under a blanket and watched some more cartoons. It didn’t look like much, and it wasn’t anything special, but those moments were just perfect because there was nothing that interrupted or bothered them, and they didn’t worry about anything.
Jo’s head rested on Liam’s chest, and she could hear his heartbeat. She didn’t tell him, she just smiled secretly.



“Do you sometimes wish you had any siblings? I mean, considering growing up in this huge house with a father who was so busy and a mother who didn’t really take care of you, did you sometimes wish to had a brother or a sister?”

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241Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 19th February 2012, 11:34

Jo stiffed in Liam’s arm. She didn’t mean to but he hit a nerve. She knew that many things would have been different if she had a sibling. She would have been less lonely, she would have less hate Waterfall Downs. Instinctively she moved closer to Liam and her hand grab his shirt as if she wanted to make sure that he doesn’t disappear. Liam felt her reaction and knew he shouldn’t have asked or maybe he should asked month ago.

“Sometimes?” Jo whispered. “Every second since I can remember, I wished not to be the only child of my parents. I hated that my mother wanted me to do nothing but sit quietly in the Music Salon and play music, every instrument that there is on the world. I know she wanted me to be safe, but… I lived in a cage, a golden cage yes but still a cage.” Silent tears were running down her face. “I know my parents wanted the best for me but I wished every second not to be alone. That’s why I created all those imaginary friends, but it wasn’t the same. Liam?”

“Yes?” Liam was holding her close, making sure she felt safe.

“Can you find my brother? Please. I know I can’t make up anything and I can’t change that my parents don’t want him, but I want him. I always wanted him.”

Liam kissed Jo on the top of her head. “I’ll find him, or at least try to find him.”

Jo took a couple of deep breaths. “I’m sorry.” She let go of Liam and wiped the tears away.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know.”

Liam kissed Jo. Jo felt stupid for being such a baby about growing up alone. She had everything a girl could dream of, at least everything you could buy with money. And still when she looked back at her childhood it wasn’t that happy as many think.

“I know it freaks you out, but… um one day when… I never want just one child. I mean I don’t want children now, just one day. It’s just that growing up just with a nanny that is on your side sucks, children need other children to play with other children and maybe I wouldn’t have mind to have a sibling that isn’t a genius. All I wanted was not to be alone and I never want my children to be alone.”

“So you had an imaginary friend?” Liam asked teasingly, while he was trying to distract her from the topic of children. As usual he managed to make her smile and blush.

“Yeah. Um try at least one each year. They could age so they left me each night before my birthday and the morning I woke up there was a new friend. They… show up until…” Jo felt stupid, she had never told that anyone. Liam will love at her and just lock her up just like her mother.

“Until?” Liam asked gently. He had the feeling she needed to tell this to let it go. Just like a nightmare, you need to talk about to make it go away.

“… Until I met you. You know the dinner in London, the night I met you? You said a very distracted hi and um my heart skipped a couple of beats and Chubby kissed me on the cheek and said. Never forget who you are, you are wonderful! He never came back. No one did.” Jo bit her lower lip, she waited for Liam to tell her that she is crazy.
“I know poor rich kid never had a real friend, but being a rich kid doesn’t make you less lonely. The best toys on the world don’t replace someone to share them with.” Jo sat up, she felt cold without being close to Liam anymore. She was scared what Liam thought about her. Scared how crazy she sounded.

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have told you?” Jo mumbled, she turned to the TV and smiled. She was never into cartoons before, maybe because it made her think of herself as childish, but Liam showed her it is okay to be childish sometimes. “You want some tea?”

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242Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 19th February 2012, 18:18

“Yes, please.” He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, then she got up and walked into the kitchen. He turned to the TV, but he couldn’t really focus because he had to think about what Jo just told him. Of course he wouldn’t tell her, but when he was younger he was one of the kids who made fun of those who had imaginary friends. He didn’t do it because he was mean, he had just always been a very rational thinking person who never believed in anything that couldn’t be scientifically proven. While every other kid around him believed in Santa Claus, fairies, angels, ghosts and other creatures from stories, he didn’t even waste one second believing in those things. He couldn’t even bring himself to believe in God. He was often sent to the principal’s office because he offended other children, not because he wanted to hurt them, but because he thought he needed to teach them that they were wrong and wanted to correct them. In first grade he sat next to a girl who talked to an imaginary princess, and when Liam told her –in his typical, very direct way- that it was nonsense, the girl started to cry. Those incidents happened many times, but he refused to be quiet when other kids around him went all crazy and talked about things that didn’t exist.
That his own girlfriend was one of those kids he offended so much when he was little didn’t make the whole situation easier, especially after she admitted that her last imaginary friend disappeared when they met, so she was not a child anymore but a teenager who studied at Oxford. Liam didn’t judge her, he knew that he was childish himself, but it was still a little disturbing, especially since he couldn’t emphasise with her at all. He could never emphasise with any of those children who had imaginary friends. Most of them said they needed those friends because they were lonely, but Liam had been lonely as well, he didn’t have any siblings, no father, no friends, and his mother was barely at home, and yet all those things didn’t really matter to him because he was completely happy with entertaining himself.
People were different, and Jo was definitely more emotional and sensitive, so she coped with loneliness differently than Liam did. He actually worried about her. He would never think that she was crazy because she had imaginary friends, but what really worried him was the way she dealt with loneliness. He worried that she couldn’t deal with it at all. When he was on a mission for a couple of days, Jo was an emotional wreck. Even when he was right next to her she kept on thinking that he could leave her one day. He could hold her in his arms and she was still worried that she would be alone sooner or later. It was obvious that Jo had a hard time dealing with loneliness, and that she feared nothing more than being alone. And he didn’t know what he could do to make her believe that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he wasn’t going to leave her alone.
When Jo came back from the kitchen, put the two tea cups on the table and sat down next to him, he turned the volume of the TV down and looked at her.

“What is it?”, she asked when she noticed how serious he looked.

“Do you still think I’m going to leave you?”

“What? No…” She seemed a bit confused.


“Well…sometimes I worry that-“

“Why?”, he interrupted her. “Why do you worry that I’m going to leave you? Did I ever say something that makes you think I’m going away? Is it because you think you’re not good enough for me? Or because I occasionally look at other women? Or because I found out who my father is? Or because I like living with Dick? What is it that makes you think I don’t want to be with you?”

“I’m not saying that you don’t want to be with me…” She stared at her hands. “It’s just…I worry that I’m not enough. You…you’re used to live a life pretty much without rules, and there was nobody who held you back, and I feel that now, since we’re together, I’m the one who constantly holds you back, and maybe one day you’ll be tired of being held back.”

“You’re not holding me back”, Liam said. “In fact, I learned so many things from just being with you. Before I met you I had no clue how to take care of another person, and I never knew how to…” He paused for a moment. “I never….um…loved a girl properly, not even Lorelai…not the way I…um…love you…” He took a deep breath.
God, that was hard!

Jo was obviously speechless, she just stared at him. He had just mentioned the L-word. She couldn’t believe it.

“So, what I actually wanted to say…I don’t want you to worry that you’ll be alone, because you’re not. Even when I’m not here, that doesn’t mean that you’re alone. I’m not going anywhere, okay?” He took her hand. “Do you understand me, Jo?”

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243Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 20th February 2012, 01:26

Jo looked at his hands, they seemed so big and strong and she felt rather little right now. She was searching her brain for a smart remark but her mind was blank. This was a very rare occasion. She tried to tell herself that she knew that he would never leave her, but…

“I… um I do, but…” Jo whispered still starring at their hands.

“But?” Liam lifted her head so that he could look at her. He let go of her hands and wiped with his thumb the tears of her face. He kissed her gently. “Don’t cry please. But tell me what you are thinking. Why are you so afraid that I leave you?”

“Because… because John loved Lorelai so much, I have seen them they were… like us. And Lorelai called me that day when she and John wanted to elope. But he never showed up. He stood her up, waiting at the church all alone…”

“I would never do anything that hurts you. And you do know that in the end they got together. It just took them a little bit longer. And I’m not John. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Liam looked at his girlfriends face. He studied each tiny freckle, how the way of the light got reflected in her beautiful brown eyes, each time when he was on a mission to protect her he was never carrying a picture of her but he didn’t need one he knew this face by heart. “Yvaine?” Liam whispered gentle.

“I know.” Jo kept looking at Liam’s eyes. “I’m sorry I ruined the entire evening. I shouldn’t have told you all of this…”

“Jo stop. I might not understand everything but you can tell me everything. Okay? And just to make this clear it would have been awesome to be with you in school. Sometimes I wish I would have met you not just a year ago.”

Jo smiled. “We would have driven the teacher crazy.”

Liam laughed. “I did a quite good job already.”

“I love you Liam.” Jo was calmer again. She snuggled back into Liam’s arm, taking in a couple of deep breaths. “I know you are not going away.”

“Good, and don’t you forget it.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Suddenly the door bell made Jo jump. “I’ll get it”

A few moments later John was standing with Edward in his arm in the door. “Hello Jo, put on some trousers Edward is not yet ready to see you half naked. I need you to baby sit my son. Lory and I have a job to do.”

“What job?” Jo said from the bedroom. She couldn’t see John’s face but Liam did and he knew it was their kind of job.

“It doesn’t matter can you just watch Edward for an hour maybe two?”

“Yes of course.” Jo took Edward and smiled.

“Good see you later.” And with that John was already gone. Liam looked worried at Jo and Edward. “Isn’t he cute Liam? Help me take of his jacket he will be to warm in it.”

Jo was never around babies, she had never held one before Edward, nor had she read any books about babies. But still she knew what to do with him, as soon she was with Edward it was as if deep down in her she found her motherly instinct.

“You wanna hole him while I take off his jacket or shall I hold him and you take his jacket off?” Jo asked Liam who was still standing in some distance of her and Edward.

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244Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 20th February 2012, 10:12

Liam glared at the baby.

“Ehm…you can hold him, I’ll take off his jacket.” He carefully tried to take off Edward’s jacket while Jo was holding him. There was something about babies that scared him. It wasn’t the baby itself, but the general fact that babies were not yet fully developed human beings who could talk, and draw, and read, and calculate…He just didn’t know what to do with people who were so ignorant. Of course, all babies were like that and that was completely normal, but he had a hard time understanding babies and little children in general.
Jo looked so happy while she sat down on the couch with Edward in her arms. At the moment he was very peaceful and just looked around with his big eyes, taking in the new environment.

“You don’t have to stand on the other side of the room, neither one of us is going to bite you”, she said teasingly.

Liam sat down next to her, though hesitantly. He tapped his hands nervously on his knees while he looked into a different direction. The sight of Jo and the baby made him a bit nervous because he was pretty sure that holding Edward in her arms evoked some motherly feelings in her and her wish to have a baby would probably grow stronger.

“He has Lor’s eyes”, Jo mumbled.

Liam slowly turned his head towards them, he wanted to check if she was right, but all he could see was this bald little baby in her arms which he did not associate with his Goddess. Ahem. Former Goddess.
That same moment a loud noise came from outside and scared Edward.

“Oh God, he’s going to cry!” Liam looked nervous.

“It’s okay, we’ll calm him down.” She kissed the baby’s forehead softly while he started to sob.

“What’s that smell?” Liam threw a side-glance at Edward. “Is that…did he…?”

“I’m afraid so.” Jo got up and looked for the bag that John had put next to the door. “Can you get out a new diaper, please?”

“What?” He stared terrified at his girlfriend.

“Edward needs a new diaper, I’m in the bathroom with him.”

“But I…um…Jo…”

She had already gone into the bathroom and made room to lay Edward down. “Can you hurry up?”

Liam opened the bag and took a diaper. He held it up like it was already a dirty one, he only touched it with his fingertips. Jo rolled her eyes when she saw him walking in with that diaper.

“Its’ a clean diaper, Liam.” She snatched it away from him and took a deep breath. “Okay, I can do it…” She smiled at Edward. “Yes, honey, your aunt Jo is changing your diaper, and you have to promise me that you’re not going to cry.” She started opening his diaper and made a face. “Oh God…I can do it, I can do it…Liam, can you-“ She suddenly noticed he was gone. “Liam?”
No reply.
“Seriously?” She shook her head. “You’re uncle Liam is a coward, do you know that, Edward? A little scaredy-cat, that’s what he is.”

“I can hear you”, Liam said from the living room.

“Good, that was my intention”, she replied sarcastically. “I could use a little help!”

“I’m sorry, but there’s no way I’m helping you change the diaper. That’s just…gross.”

“You’re such a girl!”

“Come on, Jo, there is no guy on this planet who wants to change a baby’s diaper.”

“Do you think I want to change his diaper?”

“No, but…you’re a woman, so…”


“Women are supposed to do that stuff…”

There was a pause before she answered. “Oh my God, I did not just hear that! You know how sexist that just sounded?”

“What? No! I didn’t mean to…but you know…”

“Know what?”

“There are certain things that women have to do, and I don’t think changing the diaper is a man task.”

Jo came out of the bathroom with Edward in her arms. “Oh really? According to whom?”
Suddenly Edward started to cry. “Oh no, honey, what’s the matter?”

“Well, it’s just-“

“I was talking to Edward”, she said. The baby continued crying and she couldn’t calm him down. “Are you hungry?”

“He’s a baby, he’s not going to answer you”, Liam remarked.

Jo rolled her eyes. “I know that.” She walked to Liam and handed him the baby.


“Hold him for a moment, I think he’s hungry.”

Liam took Edward who still didn’t stop crying. “Are you…you’re not going to…um…breastfeed him?”

“What?” Jo stared at him. “No! I’ll fix him some milk.”

“Actually that would be kind of hot…” He grinned cheeky.

“Idiot.” She punched him playfully in the shoulder, grabbed the baby bag and went into the kitchen.

“Jo, what am I supposed to…never mind…” Liam looked down at Edward. “Hey buddy, don’t you think you cried enough?”

Edward kept crying.

“You know that there is about 78 % of water in you, and I’m pretty sure you’re down to 20 % right now from all that crying…”

Edward didn’t stop. Liam pressed him gently against his chest, walked nervously up and down the flat and started humming a song.That same moment Edward stopped crying and stared up at him with his big eyes.
“You like Irish songs, don’t you?” Liam smiled and continued humming.

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245Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 20th February 2012, 13:10

Jo smiled, Liam and Edward looked very cute together. Jo added the baby rice cereals to the milk on the stove to thicken it a little bit. A few minutes later she took Edward from Liam and gave him the bottle. She felt so grown up, it was nice that Edward trusted her. Edward turned around and suddenly his hand was on her boob. Little Edward grinned happy while he was stroking her. Jo blushed and Liam laughed.

“Okay little man let’s stop this until you found your own girlfriend.” Jo took Edwards hand.

Meanwhile on the other side of town

Lorelai was standing next to the phone box, it rang twice then stopped and rang once again. It was the signal she was waiting for. Her hair was blond, and she looked not older than twenty-one. She smiled, once again she excelled herself. She was the spitting image of Maggy. She crossed the street and easily unlocked the house door and went up the stairs to the first floor. She ran into the next door neighbour. “Good evening sir.” Lorelai whispered with a perfect Oxford accent.

“Good evening.”

“I am Maggy, Mr. Grey is my boyfriend and he said I can come here is I need a place to stay.”

“Oh that is very nice of him.” The old gentleman smiled and went in his own flat. Lorelai grinned, she didn’t have a key but she didn’t need one. Within seconds she was in Victors flat. It was a stylish flat, but impersonal.
She looked around and found what she came for, the sketchbook. And additionally many pictures, pictures of Jo on campus, Jo in town and the pictures that made her really angry where pictures of Jo in her flat, through the windows, in her kitchen and even in her bedroom.

“You little bastard!”

Victor had a lot of booze in his flat. Lorelai poured the booze over the picture took the sketchbook. She drowned his closet in more booze and took out her matches. She grinned when she threw the matches on the paddles of booze. Within seconds the pictures and his clothes were on fire and burning to ashes. She turned around and walked gracefully out of his flat, she didn’t even bother to close the door. She waited another minute before she called the fire brigade.

“I think there is a fire Blackhill Road. I think no one is at home.”

At the same time in a pub down the street

John was sitting in a corner watching Victor, drinking and playing cards with a few local drunks’ sons. He seemed to have a good time until sudden sirens caught all their attention. Most men ran outside to the fire brigade just passed them.

“There is fire in my house.” Victor yelled and ran pass all men back to his house. He passed a woman, with black hair, she looked like a gipsy she wasn’t even wearing shoes. She smiled at him and he loved the glimpse he had of her breast basically falling out of her dress. But he didn’t had time to stare at her.

“Sir I can’t let you through.” A bog strong man was holding Victor back.

“But that is my house…” Victor had a better look at the house now. “… Bullocks that is my flat on fire…”

Back at the Broad Street

Jo and Liam had play nearly two hours with Edward. He was fed changed and now Jo had made Liam get his guitar and sing to him. This time there was a knock at the door before they heard a key in the lock.

“Hey my two favourite geeks.” Lorelai still dressed like a gipsy but with John’s jacket to cover her more, John following her.

“Liam you might want this back.” Lorelai was holding the sketchbook.

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246Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 21st February 2012, 17:06

Liam took the sketchbook and tried not to smile goofily about the fact that he finally had it back.
“Thanks”, he said, biting his lip so he wouldn’t grin.
Although Lorelai wore a long coat he could see –or guess- that she didn’t notice that he stared at her that evidently until Jo stepped on his foot.
“Ahem…” Liam cleared his throat. “How did you get the book back?”

“And what were you doing?”, Jo looked suspiciously at both Lorelai and John.

“Let’s just say Victor got what he deserved”, Lorelai replied, winking at her little cousin.

Jo raised her eyebrows. She knew that smile on Lorelai’s face just too well. “Aha…”

“You shouldn’t worry that he will bother you two again anytime soon”, John said.

“I hope so…”, Jo mumbled.

Lorelai picked up her son and kissed him gently on the cheek. “So, how did it go with Edward.”

“Oh, he’s just the cutest child!”, her cousin grinned. “I offer my help as babysitter whenever you want.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that.” Lorelai’s eyes wandered to Liam. “Are you okay with that?”

“With what?”

“Having Edward here once in a while.”


“Oh, he’s so cute with Edward, you should see those two”, Jo said, reaching for Liam’s hand.

“Is that so?”, Lorelai scrutinized him with a smile, while he started to blush.

“You know, babysitting Edward is a perfect opportunity to practice and to see how it’s like…”

“How is what like?”

“Having own children, of course.”

“Oh.” Liam’s cheeks turned redder.

“Don’t worry”, Lorelai laughed. “I’m just teasing you a little.”

Before they went out the door she stepped right next to Liam and whispered something to him that only he could hear.
“She’s a good one, if not the best one, so make sure you keep her.”

“What did she say?”, Jo asked him after John and Lorelai left.

He smiled. “Nothing”, he said, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

The day after, Liam immediately started with the search of Jo’s older brother. Luckily for him his job allowed him great access to people’s profiles and with a bit of research he would get enough information in order to find him. Before he went to the headquarters in London, he told Jo about his plan to look for her brother, to make sure she wouldn’t freak out. She was surprisingly calm about it, a bit nervous, of course, but he could tell that she wanted him to find her brother.
It took him a bit over a week because it wasn’t easy to find anything about her brother, but then he found one little piece of information, which led to another, and soon he had the whole puzzle together. Which was a sad puzzle. He wasn’t quite sure how he could tell her, especially since she had her hopes up that he would meet her brother one day. And she was so emotional, he really worried that the news would affect her negatively.
He came back the afternoon he found out what happened, and Jo was still in class, so he watched some TV until he heard the door opening and Jo entering.
Liam turned around to look at her and smiled. “Hey, how was your day.”

“It sucked!” She dropped her bag and her jacket and sat down next to him, happy to have him back.

“Why did it suck? I hope Alfie didn’t annoy you…”

“No, it wasn’t because of him, it was just a generally stupid day. Lots of annoying work and…oh, speaking of Alfie, he asked about you.” A grin played around her lips.


“Oh, just how you were…”

“Why did he want to know?”

“I don’t know…” She shrugged her shoulders. “I think you left quite an impression…”

“Come on, Jo, he’s not…um…like Ricky or something like that…No way…”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” She leaned her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath. “So…did you find something out?”

Liam didn’t answer right away, and she looked worried at him.

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247Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 21st February 2012, 20:24

“Liam? What is it?” Liam saw that wouldn’t like the news very well, but he didn’t want to hide them or lie to here.

“Um yes I did. Hey you wanna have some tea?” Liam tried to distract her, partly because he was still trying to figure out how to tell her the news.

“No thanks, Liam tell what is it!” Jo looked demanding at her boyfriend. Liam sighed and sat back down, he turned to Jo and looked at her. It was weird now when he saw her again he realized how much he had missed her. But there was no point in delaying it any more, Jo would just get angry.

“I found him. He was adopted from nice family in Germany. They named him Wilhelm. He was born 1930 on November thirteen, you mother was just eighteen. He grew up quite happy in a small town in south Germany. Shortly before the war he and his family moved to Switzerland. He became a horse trainer. He was a good man taught disabled children to ride.”

“That’s good, isn’t it? Do you know where he is now?” Jo looked hopefully at Liam, Liam was sorry to build up her hopes.

“He moved to Scotland, and… the last think I found on him was a police report, about the accident. He pulled a girl from the street, and he got hit instead. It was your birthday. Jo your brother died saving this little girl.”

Liam wanted to take Jo’s hand but she pulled it away. “Oh, um okay. Yes that is okay. I mean never met him and he would have been old anyway. And you want me to make dinner?” Jo got up and went to the fridge. “I can make… um…”


“I’m fine Liam.”

“Jo I know you are not.” Liam got up to and pulled her into a hug, Jo tried to push him away but he didn’t let go. For once he took advantage of being stronger than her. She hit him, pushed and fought him with all her strength until she held tight to his shirt and let the tears run freely.

“That is not fair, I really wanted a brother. Why did he have to be a hero?”

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248Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 22nd February 2012, 10:44

After she stopped trying to back away from him, she just buried her face into his chest and he could feel how his shirt got wet. Liam stroked her hair softly.

“Why him? Why did he have to be a hero?”

“Because he was very brave”, he said. “He saved a little girl’s life, that’s something most of us will never do. We’ll all die, but most of us never get the chance to do something so honourable.”

“I wanted to meet him…”, she whispered.

“I know you did.”

“Now I’ll never get the chance. All my life he lived somewhere in Germany, and I was so close to him without knowing it. And now I’ll never know who he was, what kind of person he was, if he would have liked me…”

“I have no doubt he would have loved you”, Liam said. “And after all, you got to know him a little bit. Someone who risks his own life to save somebody else can only be an incredible person.” He rubbed her shoulder gently. “I understand that you’re upset because you never got the chance to meet him, but at least you know that he died in order to let this little girl live, and it should make you proud to be related to someone that admirable.”

Jo was quiet for a moment. She felt Liam’s arms around her and wanted to stay like this forever, feeling nothing but his arms. He managed to move her to the couch where she sat down, just staring blankly. The tears had stopped, but her eyes were still puffy and her cheeks were red. When he got up to look for tissues she grabbed his arm, afraid that he would go anywhere, but when she assured her that he didn’t go anywhere she let go off his arm. He brought her some tissues and had the book he gave her for Christmas in his hand. He knew most of the stories he wrote in there by heart, but he wanted to make sure that he didn’t tell one of the stories wrong or forgot an important part, so he decided to read from the book. Jo snuggled up against Liam and closed her eyes.

“Geez, my handwriting is getting worse with every page!”, Liam said while he flipped through the book. “I have to apologise for that, it’s almost illegible.”

“I love your handwriting”, she whispered.

“Seriously? It looks like I wrote it with my left foot.”

A tiny smile appeared on Jo’s face. “That’s why I love it. It’s just like you, definitely not flawless, but absolutely perfect for me.”

Liam just looked at her for a moment, then he kissed her head and started reading one of the stories that his mum had told him when he was very small, and she had to go somewhere and leave him with the neighbours. He was never scared of being alone, he was so used to it through the years, but he was scared that one day his mother wouldn’t come back. When he was little he sometimes thought that she might abandon him one day and find herself another family, with a husband and normal children who didn’t cause as much trouble in school as he did. His mother never gave him the feeling that he was unwanted, but he often thought that he was the reason why she was alone.
Liam could feel how Jo was slowly breathing in and out, and as he continued reading she fell asleep, her head resting on his chest.

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249Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 22nd February 2012, 12:20

The next few weeks Jo was busy studying for her final exams. She had six to write and the horrible fortune that she has all her exams within one week. Well nearly she had one day off in between which was Sunday. As usual she was edgy, believing to fail while she knew all books from cover to back. Liam wasn’t at all worried and tried to stay as much as possible out of her way and helped her when he saw she needed his help.
She had asked her dad if Liam can use the University labs, and after a few talks Liam was allowed to use the old research lab. So when Jo went in the library to read, discuss and study her books Liam went to the old research lab, it was a small lab for a University but it was bigger than his room in London so he could do a lot of things.
The horrible month of studying turned into the even worse week of exams and then it was finally over, the last Wednesday of May ’68 Jo jumped out of the dining hall running into Liam’s arms –he was picking her up- and laughed as free as she hadn’t done the past weeks of studying.

“I’m done Liam! I’m finished. I got a degree. I am free!” Jo was so wild that Liam had troubles holding her and not fall. He didn’t mind the passionately kiss he was giving her right in front of her classmates and Professors. He heard in the distance Ricky giggle.

“Mr O’Doherty do you kiss everyone that passionately after their last exam?” Alfie snarled in his typical rich kid voice.

“He might but he has no time right now. My little turtle doves come on we gotta go, I have a plan for you.” Ricky pushed Liam and Jo to his car. He hesitated for a second before he pushed Liam, and he had to tell himself not to check out Liam’s biceps.

“Where are we going Ricky?” Liam asked, he felt tired and just as happy as his girlfriend, especially since he knew her mark for her dissertation already. The result came today by post and he had a peek to know how to react to it. She got a first class mark, and he was proud of his little smarty pants girlfriend.

“You two have really forgotten what today is, haven’t you? Well I guess who can blame you after your Valentine’s disaster. But don’t worry your Ricky got everything worked out. And I have to say it is perfect for the two of you.” Ricky grinned while he stuffed Liam and Jo in the backseat of his car.
“Today I’m your chauffer.”

“Ricky? I feel like as if you are kidnapping us.” Liam joked, but he felt Jo stiffen a little. He kissed her again, hoping that he didn’t had to hit Ricky because he was right.

“No I’m not, well maybe in a way, but it is a good abduction. Think about what day is today.” Ricky had a lot of fun, watching his two best friends having no clue what day it was. Not long later he stopped at a small hut outside of Oxford. It was late afternoon.

“This is my father hunting hut and mother said I can borrow it. So you to go inside and I will pick you up tomorrow.”

Jo turned around quickly. “Wait you are leaving us out here? Over night?”

“Yup. Enjoy.” And with that he jumped into his car and drove off.

“Liam? What is this about? What day is today?” Jo’s voice started to sound panicked.

“I don’t know but let’s start with going into the hut it is getting dark.” Liam took her hand and opened the door. And the shock hit them like a fist that punched them. A fire was burning in the fireplace, and millions of candles were burning everywhere. There were a chicken and potatoes roasting at the fire, a pot of melted chocolate with a note saying. Ever tried a Jo covered with chocolate?
On the floor was a cosy bed, and rose peddles tons of them. Jo walked in and found another note of the pillow. She picked it up and read it aloud.
“Happy first anniversary no one will disturb you here, I am glad for the two of you that you have each other. I hope that I am one day dancing on your wedding, hopefully in a not to far future.
I love you guys and hope you are having a wonderful night.
PS I knew you would forget this day that you Jo told Liam that it doesn’t matter if he gives you your heart back because no one else will love you anyway, and you Liam yelled at Jo that you do love her.”

Jo looked at Liam, she was blushing still wondering what to do with the chocolate and what Ricky meant with a chocolate covered Jo.

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250Until I Have To Go - Page 10 Empty Re: Until I Have To Go on 23rd February 2012, 09:04

Liam and Jo looked at each other for a moment after she had read Ricky’s note.

“It’s our…”, he started.

“Anniversary”, she continued.

“Really?” Liam frowned. “Already?”

“Hmm…” Jo’s eyes wandered over the note again. “Wait, he’s right! That day, the summer concert in Oxford…that’s exactly one year ago.”

“No way.”

“Yes, it is.” Jo nodded. “One year ago I was on the stage and played that song for you and you were not there-“

“I was there, you just didn’t see me.”

“Sorry, yes, that’s what I meant. And afterwards you just walked up to me like it was a completely normal day and said you liked the song, and I was upset and ran away, back to my flat…”

“And I followed you…”

“And I cried and said I will be alone for the rest of my life and that nobody will love me…”

“And I yelled at you…” Liam smiled. “I yelled at you that I love you.”

Jo’s smile brightened up her entire face. “It’s already one year ago…It feels like it was just yesterday, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, it does. It’s crazy that we’re together for that long…um…not that you think I’m the kind of guy who considers two weeks in a relationship long, but it’s just…one year is a very long time together, and we had so many rough patches in between, and who knew it would last that long?”

“I know what you mean.” Jo stepped towards him, put her arms around him and leaned her head against his shoulder. “It’s funny, but I have a hard time remembering the life I had before you. It seems so far away, almost like a distant dream. I can’t even imagine going back to this life again, I don’t want to imagine it. I don’t ever want to imagine how a life without you is like…”

“Me neither”, he said, scarcely audible.

Jo looked up, her eyes met his, and he started to blush.

“Anyway…” Liam cleared his throat. “I’m starving.” He turned away from her and sat down at the table. “Wow, that guy sure knows how to cook!” His eyes wandered over the food. “And he said this is his dad’s hunting hut? I’m sorry, but I have a really hard time picturing his dad as a hunter. Ricky is so…so…um…clean.”

Jo chuckled as she sat down next to him. “I know, Ricky and his dad are from two completely different worlds. We really need to do something for him, something to thank him for all of that.”

“Yes, definitely.”

Jo looked at the pot with melted chocolate. “I wonder what that is for. Maybe that’s our dessert. Well…I don’t see any fruit to dip in or something like that…”

Liam just stared at her and tried to suppress a grin.

“What?” She looked curious at him.

“I think you are supposed to be the dessert.”

Jo blushed.

“That reminds me, that one time when Lor and I…um…” He cleared his throat. “Ahem, never mind.”

Jo raised her eyebrows. “When Lor and you what?”

“You really don’t need to know that.” Liam stared at his plate.

“You know, she tells me stuff. In fact, she tells me a lot”, Jo said, almost in a whisper. “And I can prove to you that I can do the things she does just as well…Ahm, well, probably not all things, but many…”

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